I'm coming to terms with something. Finally! Some may say. Jeez, why'd it take you so long?? You may question. But yes, I have finally, after a looong time, realized a characteristic flaw that I possess.

I'm not the best communicator. 

Like, as in, I get really annoyed by something (typically it has to do with my {lovely} husband), and then I pretend like it's not there, and I fester and I fester and I fester and (did I mention) fester?

He should just KNOW what is wrong with me!
He should just be doing the right thing and then I wouldn't have an attitude of annoyance!
He should just be everything I want him to be and then I won't even get frustrated!


I guess that's what I'm actually coming to terms with. Someone doesn't just automatically know. He doesn't just do the right thing all the time, and he isn't everything I want him to be if I don't tell him what it is that I need/want/desire.

I know, it sounds so simple. And yes, I guess the idea is a simple idea. But the putting into action - as most things - is colossally more difficult than the simple idea.

It literally takes him hours to get whatever is bothering me to come out. It shouldn't be like that. It shouldn't take the silent treatment from him because he can't get any answers for me to finally release my own prison of silence.

I should be forthright. After all, that's all I want from him, and from my friends, and from my children and from my family. I want honesty in every area of my life, in a way I never realized before, and that is the one that I am not being for my husband. I am looking and seeking and hungering more than anything for real, authentic, and sincere relationships.

Is this too much to ask?

I must look to myself and ask this very question. Jenna, is honesty really too much to ask?

No, I tell myself a thousand times over. Everyone deserves the authenticity we posses.<---Tweet this!

My husband deserves to know why I am not speaking to him for hours. Even if I don't like his response to my frustrations, he deserves to know at least what is floating around in my confusing and hormonal and sincere head. I have to have enough trust in him as a man that I love with everything inside of me, to know that he will take the information I give him, and do with it what he deems appropriate.

I trust him. I need to trust him.

If I don't trust myself with the candor of my thoughts, I cannot even come close to trusting him. My thoughts and my feelings are as real as the sunshine that burns my skin - and I am entitled to those feelings and thoughts. That's about the only thing in life that I am entitled to. And he is to be honored in a way that I trust him with all of the honesty and truth that I have inside of me.

He deserves the real me.

So as I said, I'm not the best communicator. I'm far from it. But I want to be a better wife. And I want to be a better mother and friend and daughter and sister. Most of all, I want to be a better woman. And the only way I can become a better woman is to allow my thoughts to come out and breathe, resonate, and react to my chaotic and lovely and beautiful life.

In between tweeting, reading books to my daughters, and [not] burning mac n cheese, I am the Founder + Creative Director of Blessed is She women's ministry + community.