grace ocean

GRACE

Go.

I changed my whole day.  I rearranged. I crammed.  All to make it to her school.  All to be the mom who can do it all.  Who can work AND show up for her daughters "trunk or treat."  To be the mom who doesn't even break a sweat.

Turns out I am not that mom.  Not that mom who I desperately wanted to be today.

I got there a minute too late.

Drove up to find her standing there with her preschool teacher, dressed as the sweetest little Minnie Mouse.  And there I saw that I had missed it all.  Cramming, stressing, rearranging for nothing.  I missed it!

My heart sunk in my chest.  I swallowed a hard lump in my throat and smiled.  Apologizing profusely to the teacher, telling her about all the cramming and rearranging.  Feeling my face get warm.  Feeling my stomach tie into knots.  I missed it!

"I'm the worst mom ever!" goes around and around in my head.

And the sweet Minnie Mouse.  She is still squealing in delight.  Calling to me.  Hugging my leg.  Overjoyed to see me there.  And I breathe her love into my warm, flushed face, my knotted stomach and I know this is grace.  This is the forgiveness of a 3 year old who knows that I did it all for her.  And even if I missed the moment, I showed up for her.  And again she reminded me, I am not the worst... I am her best!

{Thanks for the grace baby girl!  Mama needs it!}

Stop.

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