Go-To Marriage Tip :: Dr. Mom Answers

Dr. Mom Answers

Sometimes I think parenting is easier than marriage. What is your go-to marriage tip to staying committed to someone for the rest of your life?


Recognize first that commitment it is a CHOICE. And you choose to stay committed , or not, every day of your life. But more specifically, talk about everything – especially when you don’t WANT to. When you don’t want to talk, then pray about it, and then talk anyway.

If we let life get in the way (and it will), then what we end up having for each other at the end of the day is the "leftovers." I give my best to my kids and those I am around during the day. By the end of the day, when my kids are tucked in bed and it is just the two of us, I am too tired to talk anymore. But that is when we need to connect.

The darkest hours of our marriage have come when we both pull away and stop talking. If we are not talking to one another then we are listening to others – co-workers, friends, family members, maybe ourselves. We are susceptible to the quiet whispers in our minds – and those are often falsehoods. We have to talk, connect, clarify, and listen to the truth our spouse has to tell us.

Okay, you are saying – but I am tired. That is never an excuse. Sorry. It isn’t. In sickness or health, you made the commitment. You have 1440 minutes in you day – how many can you give your spouse?

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And it is okay if he falls asleep listening to your voice. Really. Just love him anyway.

Lastly, your job is to take care of your spouse – and his job is to take care of you. We live in a selfish culture where there is great emphasis on taking care of "ourselves." That is your spouse’s job. He takes care of her and she takes care of him. BUT – don’t rely on your spouse to make you happy. That too is a choice. Happiness comes from within and is not found in the circumstance but in the Soul. So if you aren’t happy, then YOU need to change. Don’t blame your spouse. It sounds contradictory, but if you are aiming to really improve your marriage and grow as a couple, then stop focusing on how your spouse behaves and look at how you influence your spouse.

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