i never wanted to be a mother

I never wanted to be a mother.

Or a wife.

Or a helpmate.

Or a servant.

I wanted to have freedom and live a life carefree of any sort of resemblance of responsibility.

I wanted to not be bogged down by a schedule, but to leave and be on a whim.

Then I met my husband. And he was a drummer in a band - a Christian band. I mean, you put a musician + Jesus together, and I've melted.

So, I was head over heels.

And for the first time in my life, I wanted to know what it meant to be a wife. The mommy thing? I still hadn't thought of that - but a wife?! Heck yes, I wanted to be his, and I wanted to be his wife STAT.

With becoming a wife, I realized that a wonderful and beautiful gift you receive is a beautiful child made manifest from your love.

Alas, a mother I became.

Boy, was I in love.

I never expected it, any of it. But I was over the moon.

I didn't expect the utter chaos that soon enveloped my life.

I didn't expect the complete and total exhaustion.

I didn't expect the sleepless nights, or the frightening anxieties.

I didn't expect the doctors' visits, or the ER visits, or the sick babies.


I got more than I could have ever bargained for.

I got love. Intense love emanating from every part of my being, and a reciprocal love that only a mother and child can possibly share.

I got hugs. The bear-est hug that makes the name for all bear hugs.

I got kisses. The sweetest kisses you'll ever get to feel.

I got knotty hair and messy faces and the most fun bubble baths that make it all better. Baths give the biggest giggles.

I got tears and cuddles all wrapped up in one. Cuddling is the cure-all for tears. Try it.

I got the most vulnerable of gifts, and it was given to me to cradle and foster and care for.

I got all of this and so, so, so much more.

I get to mother incredible human beings, mother them into respectful and loving and generous and kind people who hopefully give as much to the world as they gave to me - which was, in fact, the greatest gift of joy that can ever be had.

Am I shocked by motherhood? Absolutely.

But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Am I shocked by motherhood? Absolutely. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. <--- Tweet this.

In between tweeting, reading books to my daughters, and [not] burning mac n cheese, I am the Founder + Creative Director of Blessed is She women's ministry + community.