Our next installment of the monthlong "Love in Motherhood" is today! Read along, check out the hosts, and link-up if you desire. We'd love to see how love rewrote your story.
Thank you to Morgan of Pepper Design Blog for today's post on Love in Motherhood.
Friday night I had a drink with dinner. I didn't reinforce ' you haven't been excused' rules and Liv took a mid-dinner intermission to dance. I laughed and smiled and felt very non-stressed. We were eating delicious leftovers so I was also very non-stressed post-dinner when I merely had to rinse and fill the dishwasher with a few empty plates.
I think, as a mom, you begin to notice these sorts of moments more. It's not that I don't frequently have a glass of wine with dinner (hehe) or that I don't frequently laugh, but sometimes moments collide and cause you to pause and appreciate them. This particular night had one of those colliding moments.
Most days are not like this. For the past half year or so, most days have become so scheduled and routine that I find it too easy to miss the little moments because there are so many ordinary ones that fill up the day.
I am the morning pancake maker, the teeth brusher, the nose wiper, the kitchen cleaner upper... the vacuumer, the dirty diaper changer, the taxi. The home bookkeeper, the bill payer, the investor. The market watcher, the graphic designer, the analytics accountant, the chart maker, the excel pivot table nazi, the forecasting expert, the website designer, the gate keeper to the budget. I make calculated decisions that affect my company's and my family's bottom line. I am the lunch maker, the laundry sorter, the dog feeder, the rule enforcer. I am the boundary maker, the bath tester, the dinner creator. I inspect clean hands and potted plants and dirty floors and children's drawings and paint messes and boo boos. I smile at first crawls, glitter-covered giraffe cutouts from preschool, sweet 3-year-old prayers, a cooing baby face after a long nursing session. I meet with other moms at the park, with colleagues in the office, with clients on conference calls, with local organizations on how to fundraise, with friends for dinner, with business owners over lunch to discuss stock equity options. I travel for work, I travel for family, I travel for play.
Somedays I feel like a terrible mom. Somedays I feel that my responsibilities are so smashed together that I am not possibly devoting enough resources, energy or sanity to any of the above. I want to feel like I'm making a difference, but I often don't. I want someone to tell me I'm making a difference, but often they won't.
On any given day I may feel sincere guilt towards my children, my employer, my husband, my God, myself.
But then, I go to bed and wake up the next day and do it again. All of it.
Partly because I'm a glutton for punishment (just kidding), partly because I can't imagine dropping any of the above. Can there not be great moms who are also great business women/crafters/entrepreneurs/bloggers/friends? I think there can be. I think it's worth a try.
So how do we possibly manage this thing called motherhood with the rest of life smashed around it? We start appreciating the small moments. The colliding moments, the pausing moments. We disconnect from guilt and those feelings of 'not being enough' whenever we can. We enjoy.
And then I take a moment to whisper thank you to my children, my work, my husband, my God, myself. Because I realize that I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing right now.
And that feels good! Like really, really good.
Because I like kissing boo boos and analyzing spreadsheets and strategizing solutions and traveling to here and there and smiling at cooing babies and laughing with dancing three-year-olds. It's all good. It's rough many days, but it's all as it should be.