Why I Am Not A Motivated Person :: 12/52

Everyone has different things that keep them going. Sometimes it's the people around us, other times it might be what's waiting for us on the other side of hard work. Whatever it may be, there's usually some sort of motivation to get up every day, get things done, or maybe even go the extra mile. With that said, what would you say is your biggest motivation in life? Has it always been this way?

My biggest motivation in life? Dang. For my first journal prompt, this one is damn tough.

I have to admit something to you guys. I'm not a very motivated person. I have never been. I am not Type A, although oftentimes I wish I was.

When I was a teenager, I would get sat down probably twice a month by my parents to have the "You need to be more motivated" talk. And now that I'm married, it seems like the torch of Sit Down Talks has moved to my loving husband. He asks me and tries to get me to wrack my brain, "Why are you not more motivated?" Why does it seem like I am "okay" with being stagnant, why don't I seem to be moving in a direction, why do I not seem determined to do more?

And it's so true. The only response I have to these Talks and to these Questions is "Okay," which makes them want to die, because that is exactly what they have a problem with. My complacency. My "okay"-ness. It makes them cringe, and they don't understand why I am not a motivated person, and they want so much more.

But, really, I don't have much more to give. I am not motivated to clean my house (who is?!), I am not motivated to cook (like I said, I have an aversion to the kitchen), and I am not motivated to get straight A's or to be the best Respiratory Therapist I can be, or even to make a million dollars at this blogging thing... I am not motivated to do ANY of that.

Does that make me a horrible person?

I do know what I am motivated by... I am motivated by love. I am motivated by peace. I am motivated by my daughters' smiles that melt every part of me and confirm my suspicions, "I am made for a purpose."

I am not then motivated to do anything besides reciprocate love. I am not motivated to do anything besides smile back, and set my phone down, and be a mother to the tiny humans that I get to mother. I am not motivated to do anything besides lay next to my husband and hear more about his day. I am not motivated to do anything besides be who it is I am created to be.

Not to do. I am not motivated to be a do-er, I am motivated as a be-er.

Is this a copout?

I don't know. All I can do is say, "Okay" to the desires and intentions that the Lord has set and put on my heart. I can say "Okay" to my "lack" of motivation and efforts, and I can attempt to rest in the fact that I am in love with my life. I am in love with my daughters, I am in love with my husband, and I am in love with this life that we are so delicately given.

I know it could be gone in a second. And I know it could be for naught, all of my doings, but I don't believe being is for naught. I feel like it's exactly what He wants of me and my life. So, today, I will rest in the being of my life.

The dishes will get done, the house will be clean, I will do my job and do it well, I will pass in school and have more opportunities to help support my family, I will do the obligations set before me --- and I will do them to give Him glory.

But, most importantly, I will be. And I want to just be. I want to be "okay" with not DOING ALL THE THINGS. I am because He is. And I want to rest in that as often as humanly possible. I want to teach my daughters to be in His love. I want to teach them that they are not the sum of their actions... that, yes, they must work hard to give Him glory, but they are good and okay and whole just the way that they are.

You are not the sum of your actions

I am good and I am okay and I am whole and I am. Nothing I do will ever make that fact more or less true. It just IS.

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linked with Jennifer / Holley / Living Arrows / Jodi / Danielle