On your First Birthday {a letter to my baby girl}


Sweet baby girl,

My oh my! I cannot believe a year has passed. It seems like just yesterday I found out I was pregnant with you. I know we moms say that, but truly baby girl, I remember it like a movie scene that will not fade. I was so scared that day, that whole 9 months. I know we moms don’t usually say that. You were my third baby in four years. Your older sister had just turned 2, and your brother was a mere 9 months old. I couldn’t believe it. Pregnant again. I was scared. Scared for our health, yours and mine. Scared because they told me not to get pregnant again so soon. Scared a third healthy pregnancy wasn’t in the cards with all the complications stacked up against me. And all sorts of scared that you, my third, would not get the attention, the love, all that you deserve, because I would be fresh out of anything to give. Majorly scared that I couldn’t raise 3 kids under 3. That I just might lose it.

I know that must be so crazy to hear baby girl. But I know by the time you read this, you will have an understanding of my love. Maybe you will even be a mother of your own by that point. So let me tell you honey, how you relieved all my fears. How your being, in and of itself, taught me to trust, taught me that God gives good and precious gifts to those who open their hands to receive. You taught me to keep my hands open. I can’t thank you enough for that.

Remember that fear for my health? Well sweetheart, we had some scares, but it all turned out okay. Better than we all expected. And you baby, you were my only newborn babe that wasn’t taken away to be stabilized right after you were born. You got to stay right there in my arms, nursing and cuddling. Safe and healthy. A dream come true! Did you know love, that I begged the Lord to give us that. To use your story to heal my wounds, and he has answered that prayer tenfold.

And that fear that I wouldn’t have anything left to give, well this I can’t explain. It’s some sort of miraculous parenthood grace that I can’t put into words. But let me assure you my dear, my love for you is stronger than I could ever imagine. I have faith you know this, that you see this, and most of all that you believe this. You are a treasure to us, your dad, your brother and sister and me. Surely, the way we light up when we see you must say it all!

Oh and that fear that I might lose it, lose my mind. Well let me be honest, some days I do question my sanity. But I’m positive that would be the case no matter if you came along or not. Motherhood is hard, but man, is it beautiful. If anything, you have been the most perfect baby, making my load a little lighter. Giving me a newfound confidence in my strength as a mother. You rest so easily and love so readily. It’s an understatement to say you have been good to me. You are just what I need. Just what I need!

And looking back at our first year of memories together, the ways in which you have enriched our lives, I cannot help but want to thank you. Thank you for being my sweet baby girl. Thank you Jesus for this little gift, who I can only hope to care and love just the way you created her to be.

Happy 1st Birthday Baby Girl! Mama adores you!!